Ever notice how a child or grandchild encounters a flower, or discovers the game of “Peek-a-Boo”? That utter absorption and delight! Children at play have such spontaneity and joy, don't you wish you could recapture that as an adult? After all, it's obviously what we were born with!
As we age, circumstances of every kind distract us from that innate capacity for well-being, leaving us stressed out, overwhelmed by economic pressures, strung out with too much to do and not enough time.
We want to cope with our complicated world of not enough money and time, not enough of what we want and too much of what we don’t want. But how can we cope when we don’t have time to breathe?
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As a well-being consultant, I work with adolescents and adults in transition to generate well-being under any circumstances. Whether a young person going off to college or a senior adjusting to life without a spouse, our transitions can be challenging—beyond anything we ever expected!
I work with adolescents and adults in transition by engaging with them in an empowering conversation. As we consider the current circumstances, we discover a fresh perspective on the situation, based on developing mindfulness and well-being practice.
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What is mindfulness?
Mindfulness is paying attention to who we are and what we are doing right now. For example, call your attention to where and how you are as you read this. Developing the quality of mindfulness means being able to tune into where we really are right here, right now. It’s like taking the reading of a compass. Once we know our co-ordinates, then we know where we are and what we need to do to restore our sense of well-being. It does take practice, but that’s what our work is all about.
What is well-being practice?
Well being practices are those things we love to do that refresh our spirits and bring us joy. Some random examples people have shared with me lately include: quilting in a cool room on a hot day, walking on the beach at night, dancing for hours, writing for five minutes, fishing, sailing—this time of year especially, the list goes on! Ever notice, these things we love to do are the first things we don’t have time for once the pressure is on? Then we feel even more pressured and deprieved. Go figure! So, guess what, when we resume those practices, we actually do feel better!
The things we love to do become restorative when we do them intentionally, to connect with well-being. The outcome is peace and joy.
Here is an old story from an ancient tradition that illustrates how an everyday activity becomes a practice of well-being:
A man is being chased by a blood-thirsty tiger. He runs to the edge of a cliff and dives over the edge, catching hold of a fragile branch. He looks down and sees at the bottom of the ravine, another blood-thirsty tiger. Then he notices a wild strawberry plant. He picks and eats the strawberries. They are the most delicious strawberries he has ever tasted!
When I first read that story, I didn’t get it. But recently when I felt stressed and overwhelmed by one challenge after another, I noticed that when something made me laugh, I felt better. So I chose to have more laughter in my life. I watched funny movies and told funny stories. I laughed more, and people laughed with me. The challenges were still there, but I had a new way of coping with them.
Our well-being practices can see us through tough times. To engage in that empowering conversation about what works and doesn’t work in life inspires us to find our own unique pathway to well-being.
Susan Dingle LCSW CASAC is a therapist in private practice in Southold, a well-being consultant working with adolescents and adults in transition. She is currently accepting new clients and is starting a well-being practices workshop. For further information, please call Susan Dingle at 631/734-8658.
