Memo to a 12 Year Old

Being twelve is tough.  Back when you’re ten, you’re a big kid. You know the ropes about being a kid. Then you hit 11, you’re looking over the fence at being a teenager, but it’s still a ways off. You’ve still got time. But you hit twelve, and now you’re on the fence, and you’re next for something you can’t really imagine--
“Growing up,” a task so daunting some adults have yet to complete it.  

Maybe you wish you could go back, hang out in 10 a little longer while you figure out what’s happening. “Hormones”? Really? How gross. Now you have all kinds of feelings you wish you didn’t have, that people would probably think you’re crazy if they knew. If only you could tell someone. But no one would understand. Unless they were twelve, and then they’re in the same boat as you, so what good is that. Seriously.
  
I haven’t been twelve in quite a while, but I’ve never forgotten what a lonely place it was, when you’re neither kid nor teen, and no one knows what you’re going through but they pretend they do. And that just makes you feel worse.
  
But deep down, every grown-up once was twelve.  They lived through their version of what you are living through right now. So if you do have one of those grown-ups nearby, why don’t you just ask them, “What was it like for you when you were twelve?” You might be surprised. They’ll definitely be surprised, because they can’t believe you cared enough to ask!
    
When I was twelve, I felt awkward, overweight and ugly. I was the new kid in school, with no friends because I was too shy to go up to people and introduce myself.   We were living in a new town and I didn’t know anyone.  When my parents went out at night, I was afraid something bad might happen to them. In the dictionary I looked up the word “neurotic” and I was afraid that that was me.

Being twelve was tough back then, and it probably isn't any easier now.  So if you’re twelve, just know the grown-ups of the world can appreciate what it’s like for you. Especially if you remind them.

Susan Dingle LCSW CASAC is a therapist on the North Fork providing counseling for tweens, adolescents and adults. She is currently accepting new clients, and can be reached at 631/734-8658.