ASK THE THERAPIST: Remember '42'!

As a licensed therapist, I am starting this conversation to increase awareness about mental health and well-being on the North Fork. Today’s post will focus on bullying, and what we can do about it.
 
What can you do when someone is being bullied? If you’re a kid, you might be afraid if you speak up to a bully, you’ll be next. Besides what if that kid being bullied isn’t your friend. Why should you say anything?  
If you’re a teacher, you might not be sure how to handle the situation. You don’t like confrontation. (You may even fear being bullied by the parents of the bully!)    If you’re the parent of a child being bullied, you’ll definitely be speaking up—but what do you do when you hear “we’re aware of the problem,” and your child is still being bullied?
  
What does bullying have to do with civil rights? The Anti-Bias Task Force’s survey last year in the Mattituck School District found that 94% of bullying involved someone with a disability. Bullying someone with a mental illness is a violation of their civil rights, because mental and physical disabilities, like race and sexual orientation, are covered under the Civil Rights Act.   Our schools teach kids “Don’t be a Bystander.”  We can support that initiative by setting an example: Let the children see that we adults aren’t bystanders. Let us speak up whenever someone’s civil rights are violated.  

Maybe a movie can give us an idea how to handle bullying. If you haven’t yet done so, take the kids to see the movie, 42, the story of Jackie Robinson, the first African-American to play baseball in the Major Leagues.  This movie shows how a ballplayer became a hero when he triumphed over ignorance and prejudice.  

His first season with the Brooklyn Dodgers, Jackie Robinson was coached by the manager not to respond to abuse, no matter what. He’s at the plate, bat in his hands, when the manager of the opposing team starts taunting, insulting and abusing him, using the n-word. Jackie knows if he reacts, he’ll be blamed: nobody will care what provoked him.  

With superhuman effort, Jackie holds in his feelings until he’s in a safe space, down in the dugout. There he lets his feelings out, yelling, crying and smashing the bat against the wall. His manager stands by him, reminding him how much his struggle matters to other people.   

A few innings later, when Jackie’s at bat and the other team’s manager starts spewing out hateful words, this time one of Jackie’s teammates stands up, walks over to the manager and yells back at him. From that moment on, everything changes. (To find out what the rest of the team does and what happened to the manager, go see the movie!)  

Remember ‘42’ If you are being bullied, remember number 42, Jackie Robinson’s number—it stands for dignity and courage no matter what. If you are the witness to someone being bullied, remember ‘42’: Be the teammate who stands up to the bully!   Once enough people take a stand, bullies back down. They’re cowards, that’s why they pick on people who are isolated by a disability, or “different” in some other way.
 
If you’ve been bullied at school, on the internet, in a relationship or anywhere else, I invite you to write me at susandingle@optonline.net. You are not alone. Remember ’42'!
                                             
Everyone with a challenge also has wisdom. So welcome to our conversation!

Susan Dingle LCSW CASAC is a therapist on the North Fork providing counseling for tweens, adolescents and adults. She is currently accepting new clients, and can be reached at 631/734-8658.