I entered into my son's school and then it all became real, does my son really go here? Is this really autism he has? Nothing could make me stare away but stare into the eyes of my son not only with worry but with amazement of how much he has accomplished.
But this is just so different on how it should be "I say to myself." However I grew up differently but this is not the way it was for me, this is the way it is for him. How will he be ready to turn 5? The thought just baffles me. This is a 4-year-old who can say apple but say apple differently then others, he just does things differently and that's OK with me as long and he is happy and healthy.
The questions of will he ever talk comes to mind, maybe I have just have been putting my feelings off until now. I wonder, could that be why I have never cried over my son being autistic? I have always looked at it in a positive light, but is it really positive having an autistic child?
Will there ever be a cure? Would I even want to change who my child is? The answer is no — he came to me this way and I want to embrace it, but today was not necessirly embracing it, it was scary to think my child will never function as a typical child.
Breathe deeply and then let it out slowly. Forget the words never and typical. Embrace and love "what is" while still "believing in what can be". Give yourself time and permission to grieve what has been lost, without feeling guilty about it. Love your child today. Tomorrow is very far away.